A collegue of mine passed this on this to me, and I thought it would be a fantastic way to sort of model the THOUGHT PROCESS of writing a historical essay. No, you're not writing about ancient Egypt tomorrow, but I would like you to read how Lisa Simpson thinks about what she is going to write tomorrow after receiving the assignment (like you guys will be doing tonight). I especially like the way Lisa is thinking about the EXAMPLES she will be using. Anytime she thinks of something very typical and formulaic she always thinks about how she can bring some extra analysis and originality to her essay. Also, notice how Lisa is constantly thinking about how she can go above and beyond the bare minimum requirements (remember Randy Jackson on American Idol folks-- "I'm looking for the yo, I'm looking for the wow dog!"). Just so you know, any time Lisa mentions Duiker she is referring to her textbook, that's the author. In your case, you're probably looking at Bentley a little bit tonight (that's the author of your book. Just for the record college students always refer to their textbooks by the name of the author). Also, Lisa several times says that she is going to look back at her "reader" for historical evidence. In college, most history classes require that you buy not only a textbook, but also a reader (in some classes the reader is your ONLY text). The reader is a book with nothing but primary documents and brief explanations. In your case, you do not have a reader per se, but notice all the primary documents I have been feeding you on this blog. It may be wise to be printing these out and putting them in your notebook for quick reference. Lisa Simpson seems to understand very well that her essay will be much more powerful and effective if she is including historical evidence from primary documents she's read. It may be a good idea tonight to review all of the documents i've posted regarding China and India so far, and people's comments on them to help you plan your essay for tomorrow. At any rate, I've talked enough here, so enjoy reading Lisa' thought process, I think you will find it helpful in helping you plan your essay for tomorrow. Feel free to talk about it on here and brainstorm ideas on the blog amongst yourselves. Remember there's no competition between each other in this class. We're all in this together. We all meet together on this blog to help each other and stregnthen each other's skills and understanding. We are not a me first class, we're all about WE FIRST here! All the best on your essay tomorrow (remember, we're comparing SOCIAL [that includes women!] and POLITICAL issues in classical China and India [SEVENTH PERIOD I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO TELL YOU BECAUSE OF THE FIRE DRILL BUT THAT'S WHAT IT IS). Enjoy reading by clicking this link ---> Lisa Simpson Studies for Her World Civilizations Exam.
69 comments:
Along with having a good thesis statement if you explain every subject or comparison you refer to, you should be alright. Is that right?
yeah, pretty much, just be accurate in your explanations. incorporating document evidence is always a good habit to get into as well.
Sweet. Thanks Mr. Prill this will really help a lot. It makes the thought process of writing a little bit easier.
Reading this actually helped me understand what i need to have set for my paper!! Thanks for posting it Mr.Prill! By the way, Subways the new hang out haha.
I thought this was kind of a joke post but it actually helped, especially the part about giving examples of more specific things instead of stuff everyone knows. Thanks
Thanks Mr. Prill this helped me understand it a lot more. Get ready to fall out of your chair!
David Recchia
dang. That's amazing.
I want to credit katelyn niemann too for giving me this idea- write a sort of draft of your essay the night before, so you have an idea of what you're going to write in class.
yeah miss pitt and niemann, i agree that's certainly a wise thing to do when you know the topic in advance.
if you have friends taking this class you may want to steer them in the direction of this post. i think they too will find it helpful.
wow... Since I'm not really a big Simpson watcher, Lisa Simpson from the Simpson's did not appear into my head when you said tips from her were going to be up on the blog today. So I thought she was like this former student that wrote amazing essays when you were explaing this in class ....until I saw that huge picture of THE Lisa Simpson when I went on the blog that's when I really felt dumb...wow Ok well anyways...after reading that it realy helped me remember some key points to the thought process in writing an essay for history.Like not repeating what you already said and not telling basic info that people already know. I should be good to go for tomorrow. I hoppppe. :)
I have a ton of stuff to compare and contrast for the social part but more points on comparing politics... I have them both being a buracreacy and then the whole regional kingdom/dynastic cycle stuff.. I feel like I'm missing aaaaa lot.
i have a question and i would totally understand if you can't answer it. Would the Philosophies of china be political or social?. I know that they are religions but they also influence political and social events and stuff in china right?
good question miss grayson... philosophies fall more into the cultural category, HOWEVER it would probably be good to point out in your essay how the philosophies of china affected the politics and social structures of china (ex/ han china built on confucian principles, the civil service exams being based on confucianism, the fact that merchants are at the bottom of the social ladder because of the confucian idea that they are not contributing to the greater good of society). hope that helps. keep the questions coming folks! i'll be here till about 10pm. post your questions to the blog instead of emailing me so everyone can benefit.
That certainly is a good question, but I can't answer it. I guess wait for Mr. Prill o see it. I just happened to type this right after you did and see it before him, but here's my real post.
I was a little uneasy going ito tomorrow, but all the information I have obtained in class and reading this blog has certainly increased my chances of getting a decent grade.
i am kind of confused is it better to list all the comparisons you know or find a couple and then just explain them.
miss hammond, another good question... i would say that it is better to make just a few comparisons (remember you need at least 4 right?) and explain them very well and thoroughly than to give a long "laundry list" of things but provide nothing with any real depth. hope that answers your question. keep 'em coming folks! i'm doing several loads of laundry right now, so i'm right here by my computer!
how can I go more in depth about a China and India being both a patriarchal (sp?) society???
In class today you said that you want us to get right to the point and not add on any "fluff" to it. But if we are describing the four comparisons very thoroughly would that not be considered fluff because we are draging the comparison on? If not can you provide an example of what you mean by fluff exactly.
both good questions, ladies first... miss beck, my strongest suggestion would be for you to incorporate some ideas from pan chao's lessons for women i posted and perhaps compare some of her thoughts to what you find in the laws of manu or maybe the mahabharata. anytime you pull information from primary documents and put them in your essay, not only are you providing good historical evidence, but you are writing a much stronger essay.
mr. darcy, thorough explanations of your comparisons (or contrasts) shouldn't be considered dragging out your comparisons out at all. in fact, the more thorough you are, the more explicit you are, the more effective your essay will be. by fluff i mean (1) simply making things up, essentially rewriting history. ANY statements you make must be historically accurate, otherwise you won't get any credit for them. and (2) flowery statements about flowers and the breeze blowing accross the fruited plain as qin shihuangdi rushed gallantly accross his vast expanse of territory, ya know, stuff like that that english teachers love but history teachers feel they are having their time waisted by. wonderful adjectives and descriptions of flowers blue, red, and yellow get you nowhere on a history paper. very good question! hope my answer makes sense.
Yeah Mr. Prill im having a hard deciding what to put in my first pargraph. I have my thesis down but do we compare and contrast them in the first paragraph or do we leave that for the rest of the paper?
good question mr. douglas... i would be as to the point as possible in the introduction. it's perfectly fine to give a brief description of the classical period being a period of major political, social, and cultural developments that would essentially lay the foundation for the rest of history in specific areas (china, india, persia, the mediterranean, mesoamerica to a degree), but after such a description i would get right to the point of the essay by bringing in a strong thesis statement. hope that helps... got another load of laundry after this one folks, so keep the questions coming!
how long will we have to write the essay Mr. Prill?
this from cameron green...
hey mr prill i was wondering if ou could help me out? when you say social india and china what does that include. i want to make sure i study the right material.
thanks :]
and my reply...
it would include the social system itself (for example the caste system in india), and it also include gender relations (women's status). hopefully that's helpful. cheers!
but after such a description i would get right to the point of the essay by bringing in a strong thesis statement
You mean a thesis statemnt for each paragraph after the main intro thesis?
ok so those texts cover India's side on a male dominanting society but what of China?
mr. livaditis, under normal circumstances, you have exactly 40 minutes to write. however, since tomorrow is your first one, i will get the assignment out to you all as quickly as possible and give you the rest of the period to write. my suggestion would be to spend the first five minutes tomorrow just simply brainstorming, organizing, and mapping things out for yourself. you all are probably sort of doing this tonight, but doing so will especially be necessary on later essays when you won't know exactly what the topic is in advance.
mr. livaditis, not a thesis for each paragraph, just one in the intro. what i was saying is that douglas could begin his intro by briefly describing the significance of the classical period, and then jet right into the thesis. remember, the thesis is at the beginning, but not usually the very first sentence. oftentimes it's the last sentence or two in the introduction paragraph. hope that clarifies things.
miss beck, pan chao's lessons for women is from china, so there's your ammo for comparison.
After reading through this shows how a good paper is to be written. The fact that a Simpson character picture is on the front only makes me want to read it more. I think I'm way more prepared than I was a day ago for this becuase I would of been that guy who would of written in the "Middle School" way of writing. I also liked the "Short Skirt Theory", hilarious.
Sweet. ok thanks..!! Have fun answering everyone's last minute questions and doing your laundary??
you know folks, i can't help but think... remember that talk show i said i made up and recorded when i was a little kid with fake kids calling up to get help on questions they had regarding homework? this feels strangely familiar tonight, it's sort of like that only real! this is obviously my calling. isn't funny the way life works out. by the way, this is great folks! i propose we do this the night or two before any essay or test. this could really be helpful to the group as a whole. i love this blog!
ok so i think i have social down...but i'm completely drawing a blank on Political. I'm totally freaking out...so would you mind going over the main concept of both of them?
thank you :D
How much in depth do you want us to go into the political issues of china and india? Now I am aware that this is a broad question but what I am basically saying is do you want us to compare and contrast the obvious things that will be on everyone's paper or surprise you by doing research and bringing in political issues that you were not even aware existed during these times?
actually...im doing awesome on political...just social im worrying about. There are only like 1 or 2 differences that i can think of...and 1 similarity...but maybe its just cuz whenever i think of "Social" that rules out religion, philosophy, and other stuff. does social include that, or would we get deducted for that?
no problem mr. douglas... when it comes to political issues you could go either way, focusing on similar issues or differences... you certainly have a strong arguement that you could build around the idea that china had a dynastic cycle that stayed fairly constant throughout the period whereas india is a bit more irregular in that you generally see just a system of regional independent states with the occasional dynasty thrown in there. you could incorporate the idea of the mandate of heaven to explain why that perhaps was the case. you could also draw some comparisons in terms of their processes of unification. certainly there are some clear similarities between qin shihuangdi and chandragupta maurya and their methods of unifying. it might be a good idea to look back at excerpts from the arthastratha that i posted on the blog a couple days ago and then look at the document i posted describing legalism written by han feizi. there might be some excellent ammo to incorporate into your essay there.
mr. darcy... under normal circumstances research to pull some ideas out that perhaps we didn't address in class wouldn't be possible, since you will not always know your exact topic in advance. however, in this case, sure, go for it, dazzle me. just make sure your sources are credible. there is so much, what i like to call "pop-history," out there with all these weird facts, and those don't hold up on essays very well. stick to university websites and primary documents if you're surfing the web. it's perfectly ok though to use your text, class notes, and especially PRIMARY DOCUMENTS from the blog posts to build your essay. remember lisa simpson's example... she hit on some things she knew everyone would also address, but she made sure that she was original in the way she presented those things. coming up with innovative comparisons or insightful reasons as to why such comparisons did exist would be a good road to go down if you're trying not to be too formulaic. hope that helps guys!
well mr. douglas, you never lose points for doing things wrong on these essays, you only earn points for doing thing correctly. we call it the merit model. again, the best things to talk about regarding society would be the actual social structures and gender relations. however, it is perfectly acceptable to incorporate religion and philosophy and explain that effect that they had on social systems and gender relations. in fact such explanations would surely earn you a point for explaining the reasons for such differences. doing that a few times would be a little yo, a little wow. i'm just saying...
One thing that im not sure about is the Indian social and political structure in how the government worked. I know that they had regional kingdoms and for brief periods of times dynasties, but how were the leaders or governors choosen. I know that in Han china there were universities set up that taught confucious texts, but I forgot how India did it.
but I thought that qin shihuangdi's and chandragupta maurya's idea of unifying was fairly close. Didn't they both use legalism/srict laws to unify and that's why nobody liked them??
ok. I'm a bit confused on the thesis statement. How do we give an example of what we are going to say withhout saying what we are going to say? I've bene listing out my comparisions but how do I tie them together to give an exapmple at the beginning without it sounding weird and random?
mr. boland, to answer your question, there certainly were no democracies in those regional states in india. although there were one or two republics, those "councils of elders" were chosen by insiders in the gov't, not the people, even though they served as representatives of them. there also is not really much of a merit based bureauocracy in india during times of unification. no civil service exams like china. it was more of what i like to refer to as a good ol' boys club. the guptas did actually set up universities, but not for the purpose of filling the gov't with qualified leaders necessarily.
miss beck...you're right, the ideas of qin shihuangdi and chandragupta maurya were similar. you can prove that but looking at the arthastratha and the ideas of han feizi on legalism.
the trick miss gustuvson is not to say too much, but just enough to whet the reader's appetite. your example can be brief and to the point without restating too much. for instance, if you were writing on political and economic issues, you could state the follwing... although china and india were both unified through forceful means, economically the two socities were quite different. for example, while china's economy was largely based on it's economic power, the key to india's stregnth was it's vibrant trade network. see, not simply restating, but you are telling me exactly where your essay is going. of course, you'll elaborate more on that in the body. hope that's helpful.
OKay.. I'm officially ready for tommorrow. I'm going to bed. Thanks for alllllll your help Mr. Prill.
This blog is my new best friend. haha
Yes it did! Thank you very much! I just wrote my thesis sentence. whew* Maybe I will be able to sleep tonight and not freak out. :) lol
Thanks Mr. Prill! This article really helped me. I really like how its just from someones point of view, without fancy words, which made it easy to understand. It was sort of a reinforcement to what you talked about in class today.
thanks mr. prill! going to bed...sleep on this stuff...hopefully don't lose too much of it :P
probably set this as my homepage now that it's so useful...
ok so because of the stupid email thing i told u about mr. prill ive been reading everything every1 has 2 say and id have to say i complietly nd uterly love the blog lol it helped to pretty much make the foundation for my essay tomorrow nd wen i was making my semi draft i made that little check list chart thing and that helped me to know what i did and did not need so maybe that will help you too its kinda like a cheat sheet in a way!!!! thanks ssssssooooooooo much u rock peeps in the words of mr. prill "cheers!"
thank you for posting this it helped me understand what i needed and the kind of structure for the essay tomorrow. (: now i just have to get my facts and thoughts together for this essay.
=D Thanks MR. P. goodnight, everyone...
okay, I have talked to 3 different people and nobody can tell me if, we need both 4 political and 4 social or 2 social and 2 plitical to equal 4, can anybody tell me?
ok im gonna sleep on it so i wont in class 2morrow literatly lol jp night every1 ;p good luck wit the laundry mr. p!!!
to answer your question mr. edwards, that would be 2 political and 2 social to equal 4 (remember the box diagram i created on the board today). hope that get's you on the right track. well ladies and gents, this has been a most unusual and most productive study session out in cyberspace. again, let's do this all the time! this was great, pass on the word! this weekend we can put something similar together regarding your first test next which will be wednesday. for now folks, the laundry is clean, the questions have been answered, so i'm calling it a night. have a good night ap world history family!
WOW...this "blog" has been an amazing help with answering alot of my own questions!...i have never known anybody to review or help people out by using a blogger...Mr. Prill, GREAT idea!!!:)
wow, i just read through this post, and most the comments, and it sounds like everyone's pretty confident about the essay tomorrow.. ive been sitting here for a few hours now, and i still dont even have a thesis statement. writing/reading/history arent my strongest, and i have a feeling that this is gonna be very bad..
i mean, im just listing basic comparisons/contrasts about china and india's political and social system, but i just dont know where to start, as in writing an essay..
in class, i understood what you were saying mr.prill, i thought it would be easier than i thought, but now that im actually here, trying to do a simple rough draft, i cant even get one sentence..
Thanks for posting this Mr. Prill! I talked with one of my friends who had you last year and she said that the best thing to do was to write practice essays and that it would help you be able to recall the information that you needed to use while you were writing in calss. That and this really helped me alot!
Mr prill i feel god about this essay i hope a i pass!!!!! to make sure it was politics and social. cause that what i studied
Oh man... I didn't have time to write about women in society :(
Kevin shin
Thanks for posting this Mr. Prill, it helped a lot. I thought the essay was pretty easy today because we knew exactly what we had to do and what the topic would be. The only thing I wish I had done is mention how both societies are patriarchal. I mentioned many differences about social structure but I forgot to make that easy comparison.
i so got a 9 mr. prill!!!
haha just kidding..
How does everybody feel bout tha essay was it hard 4 yall?
Wow reading over this last night helped me so much on the essay today.
Thanks for putting this out here; it helped me understand what all i had to do.
Wow...haha I really wish I would have read this post last night.
But even without having read this post, I thought going over my notes was extremely helpful.
Also making a chart of similarities and then differences between china and india helped to count and sort my ideas.
omg this blog helped like a super lot but i still dont think i did very gud lol but i can only hope 4 da best lol;p
I actually ENJOYED writing this essay... am I a nerd or what?
It was REALLY challenging though...
I think this helped ALOT for me. Thanks Mr. Prill ;D
hey mr. prill i know its like two in the morning but i just wanted to say that this really helped me. thanx!
lisa is good at essays. she helped alot. i didnt think the essay was too hard. i just wrote about everything i could think of
I thought the same thing Ashley Beck did when you first mentioned Lisa Simpson. haha. I felt dumb too when I saw on here that it was Lisa from THE Simpsons...
Anyway, this was extremely helpful. I think the whole idea of this essay was fairly simple, and I like how the question was very straight-forward and to-the-point without any big confusing wording like last year in APHG. We were definitely completely prepared and had all the tools needed to write a decent essay. The one thing I think I will focus on the next time that Lisa mentioned is making connections and giving examples that are "out of the box". Like doing a little extra research to find things to write about that are unique and show further understanding and connection.
Of course, hopefully the night before the next essay I wont have the distraction of a HUGE region rivalry softball game that goes into extra innings... haha :)
Thanks Mr. P!
just you wait miss freedman... the persians are looming in the distance... THURSDAY THEY ARRIVE... stay tuned...
After using these techniques. I could see how this really helped me. I think I'm going to read it before every essay just to get my stuff right.
very intresting... really helped me understand what i had to write on the ap world essay... i wish i had this for ap human geography.
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